The Great Cockroach Caper

"He's back. . ."

Limbs akimbo, I slam into the side of the cubicle, panicked, but trying to stay silent.

"Don't scream, don't scream!" I chant to myself as I start to hop around in panic. Next to me, Jess* points in fright to the culprit she's referring to, sitting only a mere 10 feet (or so) away.

His orange-y brown skin glistens in the light and his antennae are straight in the air. No, folks, this is not another alien sighting per my last blog post.

It's a cockroach. The largest cockroach I've ever had the misfortune to see in real life. Easily 3 inches long. Even now, I want to vomit thinking of it (right, right, TMI, but I want you to have an accurate picture).

I had heard rumors this morning upon returning to my desk after some filing that a cockroach has made an appearance in my corner of the office. I even saw a picture, but it just didn't do this beast justice. I'd even sort of forgotten about it during lunch, until we returned to find it lurking once again.

My coworkers and I all stood as far away as possible, until one of us went to get a man to kill it.

He approached confidently with a tiny paper towel. "Umm, yea, good luck with that buddy!" I thought sarcastically, and then watched in a mix of horror and relief as he smashed our cockroach friend to crunchy bits before our eyes. I spent the next hour or so itching violently, brushing imaginary bugs of my feet, and shooting panicked looks in the direction from whence Roachy came.

(this can't even begin to capture his immense size)

I just have a few things to say about this:

First, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Combating giant cockroaches was definitely not in the job description. And after the event, it was passed down to me that, in fact, this happens occasionally at the office and that sometime they crawl into your purse.

Second, God help anyone that is within my earshot if I'm sitting there and have a cockroach fall/climb/wriggle anywhere near me. My cries of distress will be heard throughout the greater Boston area, at the very least.

And third,


umm, I think I found my Halloween costume. . .

*Some names in this story may be changed for privacy. (AKA, I changed the one name that appears in this story, because I'm under the delusion that this blog is cool enough for it to matter)