Reasons

Here are 5 reasons I'm really glad I'm not neighbors with The Writer and Partner:

5. I won't have to step outside and smell plumes of acrid American Spirit cigarette smoke (despite the fact that smoking isn't supposed to be allowed at the new place)

4. I won't step outside and smell the nasty smells of dog pee all over the concrete (despite the fact that The Writer committed to taking the dog for walks everyday. That lasted all of 1/2 a day)

3. I won't constantly be subjected to the sounds of the dog whining in a high-pitched, ear-splitting tone because she has separation anxiety and then gets chained outside and ignored since The Writer is often too lazy to go out and get her.

2. I won't walk into my garage to get something and find it's mysteriously disappeared (because The Writer assumes that if something left unattended it's fair game, even if it's clearly someone elses property.


1. I won't happen to hear The Writer and Partner play arguing over who's "dirtier." (This all starts innocently enough during a long day of cleaning, but turns into vomit inducing sexual innuendos soon enough)

"Don't you have to deal with all of this stuff anyway?" you ask.

Why, Yes. You are correct. Luckily, though I get to leave every day and live amongst normal people. Instead of the other way around. Hurray!

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Only one more day until my birthday

SO excited!