Taking A Stand

I'd like to take today and write about something of which we've all been made a victim. I've stayed silent too long, but no more.

I'm talking about the side hug.

Did I miss some sort of pivotal growing moment where everyone else was told the side hug is the best and most appropriate way to greet someone, specifically of the opposite sex. And OK, sure sure, as a man who might be married or in a relationship you don't want to be all up on a girl hugging her at a party lest your other half get jealous/angry/naggy about it. The same, I'm sure applies to woman with a significant other, but seriously? a side hug?

If you have been lucky enough to remain unscathed and thus are unsure exactly what I'm referring to: let me explain:

Imagine you walk into a room full of friends and acquaintances. someone you know medium well approaches with a smile on their face. "Oh, good," you think, "a familiar face!" They reach you and as they great you, they suddenly swivel around so that they are standing by you side. The arm snakes around you shoulders, most likely without a signicant amount of pressure. At this point you're left with several decisions. Where should your arm go? do you put it around there waist? How long do you stay in the hug? Some people let go after a quick squeeze, but others maintain very little pressure and keep their arm around you for several minutes as they ask vague questions about life and the weather. At which point, I usually began to feel a little claustrophobic and start itching to rip myself from their awkward side embrace. Also, instead of being able to look the other person in the eye, you have to turn and look at them at an uncomfortable angle, or have a conversation where both of you are facing front as you talk.

Note: this is just one example of a side hug. Other varieties include the side hug/shoulder caress combo (my personal nemesis), arm-in-side squishing hug, the double waist grip side hug, and the list goes on.

You're probably squirming in your chair right now and, frankly, rightly so. It's so awkward it's painful. Is it really that big of a deal to go for the full frontal hug, just briefly for half a second. You can even A frame it, if that makes you more comfortable. Then after a quick squeeze you can let go, step back, look the person in the eye and have a real small talk convo like God intended (actually, I'm pretty sure God never intended for small talk, much like the side hug, to exist at all.)

 Maybe I'm wrong, and this is totally inappropriate. But frankly, if a real hug is wrong. . .I don't want to be right.